If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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