I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
