The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
