You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
