Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
