bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
