dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
