my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i think i have two assholes
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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