Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
