This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
