Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
even my farts smell like vagina
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I have grass duct taped all over my body
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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