Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
this is an emotional support booty call
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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