he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
someone owes me an orgasm
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
