I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
