Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I wish I only lived at night.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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