i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Say something about gay babies.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
