I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize