I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
