Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I love having hate sex.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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