if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm sobbing to NWA
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize