it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
