How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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