What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize