I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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