yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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