come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
