Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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