My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
