WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Randomize
