How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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