'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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