i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize