dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
