they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
