Is it normal to miss your booty call?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
