True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
