heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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