your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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