he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize