Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
