U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
