how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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