That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
So squirting runs in the family.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
