My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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