If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
