I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
