i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
