Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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