FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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