All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
