Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize