White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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