I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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