Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
