Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Life is so much better after having sex.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
