Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
