i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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