Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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