First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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