Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
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