Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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