there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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