I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
