I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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